


The Amazing Shipping Race

by respnee, TheEruditeGrammacist, TheWistfulPhoenix



Category: Doctor Who, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Star Trek, Supernatural, The Amazing Race RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairing, Crossover Pairing, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multiple Crossovers, Pie, but now it is crack, high on lack of sleep, it is 4 am, potential dangerous situations, this started out serious, totally done directers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 16:08:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1947558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respnee/pseuds/respnee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEruditeGrammacist/pseuds/TheEruditeGrammacist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWistfulPhoenix/pseuds/TheWistfulPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who would you root for if some of your favorite pairings were racing for a million dollars? -Note: respnee is no longer an author of this fic, I just can't figure out how to take her off. TheEruditeGrammacist will now be taking over as coauthor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First off, we are not a homosexual couple.

**Author's Note:**

> These are the preliminary interviews before the race. -Note: respnee is no longer an author of this fic, I just can't figure out how to take her off. TheEruditeGrammacist will now be taking over as coauthor.

######  Dean and Castiel Winchester 

Dean: “We’re married, have been for 3 years now.” 

Cas: “Four Dean.” 

Dean: “Well I was close.” 

Cas: “But you remembered what pie you had three months ago.” 

Dean: “Did you see that pie? Finest eating establishment EVER!” 

Cas: “It was a truck stop Dean.” 

Dean: “Yeah the triple T, six inches of ice-cream over a deep dish pie.” 

Cas: “Anyway, I’m a theology Professor at Manhattan Christian College. My husband, who doesn’t even remember how many years we’ve been married, is a mechanic.” 

Dean: “We live in Lawrence, Kansas” 

Cas: “and if we win the money….” 

Dean: “We’re gonna buy out Marie Callenders.” 

Cas: “No Dean, we are going to build an orphanage in Haiti.” 

Dean: “Can we give them free pie instead?” 

###### John Watson and Sherlock Holmes

John: “We’re engaged and live in London Ohio.” 

Sherlock “BORED!” 

John: “Sherlock, we have to do this.” 

Sherlock: *Mutters under his breath* 

John: “I’ll get you the cadaver you were admiring in the morgue if you cooperate.” 

Sherlock: “Weareengagedforonehundredfortytwodays,elevenhoursandthirteenminutes. We live in 221B baker’s street London Ohio. I am a consulting Detective and he is my blogger…” 

John: “I’m a doctor Sherlock!” 

Sherlock: “ The cameraman is cheating on his wife, with the lady holding up the boom mic. The director slept on the couch last night and must be fighting with his wife by the state of his tie. The makeup artist has bronchitis, though she doesn’t know it yet, and the hairstylist is overcompensating. And if we win the not so Amazing Race we will be using the money to fund my research.” 

*Storms out* 

John: “Actually we will be funding our wedding and donate the rest Wounded soldiers. Sorry.” 

###### Charlie Bradbury and Jo Harvelle.

Charlie: “Well, we’re dating. And well, let’s put it this way, the CIA commissions me. So basically I’m a professional hacker but I’m not allowed to say that.” 

Jo: “And I work at my mother’s bar, and we live in Omaha, Nebraska.” 

Charlie: “if we win I don’t actually know what we will do, probably go to Comic Con.” 

Jo: “No.” 

Charlie: “We don’t know what we’re doing.” 

Jo: “ I could by you a gun and teach you to shoot.” 

Charlie: “Or there was that one thing in that one store ;) .” 

Jo: “YES!” 

###### Jean Kirschtein and Marco Bodt

Jean: “So, Me and Marco...” 

Marco: “Marco and I…” 

Jean: “…have been dating since our sophomore year of high school and we just moved from the Fort Benning in Georgia to the Elmendorf Air Force Base in Alaska.” 

Marco: “Jean don’t…” 

Jean: “Don’t be modest, He just earned his wings.” 

Marco: “They are called ‘Jump Wings’ and Jean works for the state.” 

Producer: “What does he do?” 

Jean: “I actually can’t say.” 

Producer: “Okay then, what are you guys going to do with the money?” 

Jean: “Well Marco wants to open a Bistro with his Momma.” 

Marco: “I can’t say what I want to do with the money yet.” 

###### Bobby and Ellen Harvelle-Singer

Ellen: “We live in Sioux Falls, and got married a week and a half ago.” 

Bobby: “Ten days, El.” 

Ellen: “Don’t back talk to me Robert.” 

Bobby: “I own Singer salvage and was the town drunk until she got ahold of me.” 

Ellen: “And I just retired to move over to North Dakota, and left my Roadhouse with my daughter. 

Bobby: And if we win I wanna take El on the honeymoon she deserves, ‘cause right now this is as good as it’s gonna get.” 

###### Amy and Rory Pond

Amy: “We’ve been married for a long time.” 

Rory: “A very, VERY long time.” 

Amy: “Rory’s a nurse, and if we win, we’re gonna have a baby.” 

Producer: “Awe, and what do you do?” 

Rory: “She’s a kiss-a-gram.” 

Amy: “Oi! I’m a police woman….Kiss-a-gram.” 

###### Mickey and Martha Jones-Smith

###### 

Mickey: “We’re professional badasses.” 

Martha: “Married, professional badasses.” 

Producer: “Okay, guys, what do you really do?” 

Martha: “We’re part of a secret underground organization.” 

Producer: “At least tell us where you’re from?” 

Martha: “That information is confidential and could endanger our lives.” 

Mickey: “And if we win we will go climb Mt. Everest.” 

Martha: *Laughs* “Done that, it is actually going to be our newly adopted daughter’s college fund.” 

Mickey: “Yep our little Mels.” 

###### Sam and Gabriel Novak

Gabriel: “We’re engaged, and we’re doing this to bond!” 

Sam: “Ignore me, this is all Gabriel’s idea.” 

Gabriel: “I own a candy shop, and my man here, he’s a lawyer.” 

Sam: *Facepalm* 

Gabriel: “We’re from L.A. and my candy shop, Angel’s Tears, and we’re actually having a special right now…” 

Producer: “What?” 

Gabriel: “a 16 pound gummy bear for 10.99…” 

Producer: “A wha..?” 

Sam: “Just let him finish.” 

Gabriel: “Filled twislers, gummy worms, hot tamales, Mars Bars, Junior Mints, Milk duds, Paydays, cow tails, M&M’s, Nerd’s like Sammy here, Toffee, GatorGum, Dweebs also like Sammy here, Barnone, Max Headroom candy, Wacky Wafers, Rinky Dinks, Yummy Mummies, Punkys, PBMax, E.T. Candy, Dino Sour eggs, Bonkers, Candy Necklaces, Chu-Bops, Cherry chan, whoppers, Skittles, Reeses peanut butter cups, Rock candy, cotton candy, pop rocks, fudge, twix, Snickers, Kit-kat, three musketeers, Butterfinger, Milky ways, Crunch Bars, 100 Grand, Now and Laters, Sugar almonds, Candy corn, York peppermint patties, get the sensation kids, tootsie rolls, peanut brittle, Hershey’s kisses, squirrel nut zipper, Toblerone, Life savers, turtles, chocolate bark, mary jane’s, Candy Cigs, Goo Goo clusters, chuckles, jelly babies, babe ruth, mounds, Almond joy, Bit O Honey, Dum Dum lilipops, Laughy taffy, Heath bar,Dots,Smarties,MArshmellow peeps, pixie sticks, sweet tarts, ring pops, Big league chew, sour patch kids, Symphony Bars, Dove chocolate for all the ladies out there, don’t forget to try our ice cream bar, oh, and our giant lollipops and when I say giant, I mean gia……” 

###### John Tyler, previously Smith, and Rose Tyler

Producer: “Okay, where are you from and what do you do?” 

Rose: “You talk first.” 

John: “No, you talk first, my beautiful rose petal.” 

Rose: “No you love bug.” 

John: “Nooo, you first smuttle umkins.” 

Rose: “I don’t wanna talk first, you talk first my wittle fuzzy wuzzy.” 

###### Mycroft Holmes and Greg Lestrange

Greg: “Would you put down that god damn umbrella. I swear you love that thing more than me.” 

Mycroft: “On the contrary, I love you both equally.” 

Greg: “Why do I even deal with you, you’re never home, you don’t put any effort into our civil union and I moved to D.C. for you and all you have been is a pain in my ass.” 

Mycroft: “Gregor, I assure you that I would quite like to spend more time around the house, but I have actually been planning a surprise trip to see your mum for your birthday. You’re right, you did come all the way out here for me, and I couldn’t love you more for it. I assure you it was simply a jest when I said that I loved the umbrell….” 

Greg: “Oh, come here you ruddy bastard.” 

###### Meg Masters and Crowley MacLeod

Crowley: “So it is in the contract that we have to do…” 

Meg: Sorry, two seconds, I have a question. Yeah you with your fancy clipboard and your visor. I asked for saltless ham in my sandwich back there and you know what they gave me? SPAM! I have to watch my sodium intake, you don’t get a body like this eating something like that. 

Crowley: “Anyway, we’re from Austin and I myself write freelance contracts, and Meg here is a Bounty Hunter. If,” 

Meg: “WHEN!” 

Crowley: “we win, we are going to refurbish our house, it’s looking a lot like Hell these days.” 

Meg: “And I wanna soup up my truck.” 

###### John Smith and River Song

River: “Take off the fez.” 

John: “No! Fez’s are cool” 

River: “It looks worse than the Stetson” 

Producer: “Okay guys, I have had a long day, can we please just get on with it.” 

John: “Okay, we’re…” 

River: “No, hush sweetie. We’re The Song’s,” 

John: “Smith’s” 

River: “And we’re married and from Salt lake city Utah, he’s a doctor and I kill people for a living!” 

Producer: “What?!?!” 

###### Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom

Producer: “Please, just tell me what you do, what your relationship is and what your gonna do with the money. PLEASE!” 

Luna: “Oh, well I plan on funding Nargle reaserch.” 

Producer: *Faceplam* 

###### Remus and Tonks Lupin

Producer: “Please, please.” 

Remus: “Well I married my beautiful wife six years ago, and she is too good for me.” 

Tonks: “Oh, shut it no I’m not. I’m a cop and my husband owns a wolf reserve in Chugwater Wyoming.” 

Remus: “And if we win we will take our 5 year old some Teddy to Disney Land.” 

Producer: “Thank you freckled Jesus.” 

###### Sirius Black and James Potter

James: “First off, we are not a homosexual couple.” 

Sirius: “You sure about that Prongs?” *suggestive eyebrow wiggle* 

Producer: “Booooys.” 

Sirius: “Okay okay, we’re from Orlando Florida, and we both are professional underwater basket weaver’s bitches.” 

James: “and if we win we are going to take our son” 

Sirius: “HIS AND HIS WIFE’S SON!” 

James: “Yes, YES, YES, YES, mine and Lily’s son! Who yes, is actual proof that I did sleep with Lilly Evans.” 

Producer: “and you plan on.” 

Sirius: “DOING IT AGAIN!” 

James: “TAKING MY SON EAND MY SON’S BEST FRIEND TO DISNEY LAND! But hey mate, don’t tell Remus, it’s a surprise that I’m taking Teddy too.” 

###### Spock and Nyota Uhura

Uhura: “I’m sorry Producer, two seconds. Spock you didn’t even think about us when you signed us up for this. Do you know how many couples break up after this show? The Producer knows too.” 

Producer: “No, no, don’t drag me into this… She’s right though.” 

Spock: “Your assertion that I do not care about us breaking us is incorrect. Nyota, you mistake my choice to feel as a reflection of my not caring. Well, I assure you, the Truth is precisely the opposite. You said you wanted to travel the world, and this is the only way for us to do it.” 

###### Voldemort and Bellatrix

Voldemort: *Seductively strokes Nagini* 

Bellatrix: “FILLTHY MUGGLES, THE DISGRACE, FORCING US TO BE IN THIS MOCKERY OF A SHOW!!! FILTHY BLOOD, A DISGRACE I TELL YOU, A DISGRACE. MY LORD, LET ME KILL THEM, PLEASE MY LORD.” 

Producer: “SECURITY!!” 

###### Severus Snape and Captain Jack Harkness

Producer: “Mr. Snape, can you tell me about your relationship?” 

Snape: “What would you like to know? We are just friends.” 

Jack: “With benefits.” 

Snape: “Oh my Merlin.” *Head sinks into hands* 

Jack: “Let me tell you about this one time after Sev here came back after his Job as a chemistry professor.” 

Producer: “That’s quite enough!” 

###### Ymir Maxwell and Historia Reiss

Historia: “Hello, I’m Historia and I work at my local soup kitchen in New York City. This is my girlfriend Ymir! She is a tattoo artist.” 

Ymir: “Thank you sweet heart.” 

Producer: “And what will you ladies do if you win?” 

Ymir: “I want to open my own shop and Historia wants to have the soup kitchen renovated.” 

Historia: “That is why we are doing this, because there is no room in the existing kitchen for all the children.” 

Producer: “Well aren’t you two just pleasant.” 

###### Chuck Shurley and Becky Rosen

Producer: “Okay guys, you’re the last group.” 

Cameraman: *underbreath* “ Thank God” 

Chuck: “What’s that?” 

Cameraman: “Nothin’, nothin’.” 

Becky: “Okay I’m Becky and I’m one of THE fans, like Cath from Fangirl! And this is my boyfriend Chuck, he writes the Supernatural Books. They are SO GOOD!!” 

Chuck: “We’re from Kentucky, and..,” 

Becky: “And Sam is a majestic beast with his fabulous butt. 

###### Post Interviews

Producer: “I. Quit.” 

Cameraman: “Who the hell were those people?” 


	2. Good luck, Travel safe, Go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teams start their journey on a race around the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lord_Sir, who has threatened us with a knife to post. Ah, the love family shares.

A man in a button down shirt, jeans and a large belt walked onto the large rocks speckling the landscape. “Welcome to Dubois, Wyoming, Home of the Lance Corporal Chance Phelps, who inspired the movie Taking Chance. This is the start of the first leg, in a race around the world.” Phil said, with his New Zealand accent.

*Epic music, flashes of places you have always wanted to visit*

  
  
“Dean and Castiel,” Two men ran out and onto the rocks, one lagging far behind the other. The taller one was dirty blonde, freckled and wearing jeans and a leather jacket, and was also far ahead to the smaller. The shorter, wearing a trench coat, or was as he tore it off because it was hot as hell. You could see a tattoo on his shoulders and back, and realized it was a tattoo of wings that reached to his elbows. “Husband and… Husband from Lawrence, Kansas, Dean is a mechanic and Castiel is a theology professor at Manhattan Christian College.” 

“John and Sherlock,” a rather tall and very short man comes into view, the short man trying to entice the taller to run. The man was steadfastly refusing and instead chose to walk, his long black coat flapping in the sudden wind behind him, trying to hide behind the flipped collar. The shorter man eventually gave up and chose to walk as well, only to trip on a rock outcropping. The taller man just steps over him and continues on his way. “An engaged Doctor and Detective from London Ohio.” The taller shouted over the wind. “BORED!” 

“Charlie and Jo,” Two average heighted women jog onto the large rocks. One sporting a convincing Ginny cosplay, complete with the wand and a bag of books, the other being the only appropriately dressed contestant. The blonde was dressed in running shorts and a tank top with a ‘decorated’ fanny pack slung across her hips. Both women were holding hands and the Ginny look-a-like skipping near the end not bothered by the one sock pooling at her ankle. “Bar Tender and..er Hacker, Couple from Omaha, Nebraska.” 

“Jean and Marco,” Two men, one slightly taller than the other ran side by side, both equipped in hiking boots, mismatched cargo shorts, and hoodies with the same insignia on them. As they ran the man with two toned hair stumbled a bit, despite the fast recovery the other freckled skinned man stopped and pulled his boyfriend on to his back. The two toned man clung to him like a cat being held above water and the two made their way there together. “High school sweethearts originally from Georgia, recently stationed in the Air Force Base in Alaska.” 

“Bobby and Ellen,” An older couple came into view, the woman looking like she would take shit from no one. The man was wearing a ball cap. The woman gave Jo the international ‘I’m watching you sign.” As they entered the line up. “Recently married mechanic and former barkeeper, they enjoy hunting in their spare time.” 

“Amy and Rory,” The red headed woman was jumping up and down on the balls of her feet, while her partner just looks like he wanted to go home. “Married from Boston, Rory is a nurse and Amy is a … Kiss-a-gram? I’m sorry, a POLICE women kiss-a-gram.” 

“Martha and Mickey.” Phil said, as a couple stalks into view, wearing matching leather jackets and gladiator boots, looking very much like they were about to kick some butt. “Uh, seriously? Professional badasses from… confidential. They like to volcano dive in their spare time as well as climbing Mount Everest.” 

“Sam and Gabriel.” Two men walked out, one towering over the other, but the shorter one was dragging the taller, who didn’t look very excited to be here, behind him enthusiastically. “Lawyer and candy shop owner from Los Angeles, California. They like to volunteer at the animal shelter with the dogs, and send money to a moose rehabilitation center every month.” 

“John and Rose.” A couple half jogged, half fell over themselves are they made there way to the lineup. “Married from Vegas, this couple likes to see Elvis impersonators and uh, make out in there spare time.” The women grabbed her husbands face to pull him into a kiss they will probably have to cut out of the family friendly show. 

“Mycroft and Greg,” An average size man jogs out, wearing black shorts and a light grey T-shirt. He turns to wait for the man following him, who was treading carefully across the rocks, so as not to scuff his Forzieri Italian leather shoes, nor get dirt on his perfectly pressed designer suit. The man was using his umbrella as support. “Couple from Washington DC, Greg is a police officer, and Mycroft controls…”*Seriously? * “The government. In their free time they like to go out for drinks with John and Sherlock.” 

Sherlock: “No, only John and Greg like those outings.” 

“Crowley and Meg.” Phil continued, as if not interpreted. He just wanted to get this done. “A freelance contractor and a bounty hunter from Austin, Texas. In their free time they like to… practice satanic rituals.” A very short man and an even shorter woman came out looking like they were secretly armed. The man was wearing a suit and had a cane, while the woman was clad in a rather skimpy, all black outfit. 

“River and John.” A man and woman came out, the man wearing a tweed suit and a bowtie. Perched on his head was a Stetson. The woman had a fantastic mane of curly blonde hair, and Phil was sure she actually WAS armed. “A Doctor and an…Assassin from Salt lake city Utah. In there spare time they like to travel. They are particularly fond of London England, and travel there regularly.” 

“Luna and Neville.” A small, blonde women and a tall, handsome man walked out hand in hand. Their cloths were oddly matched and out of date, colors clashing greatly. “ A researcher and a Professor for a boarding school, they like to hike deep into the woods and look at different plants and…rare, animals.” 

“Remus and Nymphadora.” 

“TONKS!” the woman, whose hair Phil could have sworn had just been a bright blue, is now fiery red. 

“Remus and Tonks,” Phil corrected, “A police officer and a wolf preserve owner, they like to take care of the wolves. Their son, Teddy loves to help them, and has a baby wolf that follows him around wherever he goes.” The women, whose hair Phil swore was now bubblegum pink, lead an ill looking man out by the hand, very excited and hyper. 

“James and Sirius,” Phil said “Not a homosexual couple From Orlando Florida, these men are professional underwater basket weavers…Bitches. They like to go to the park and throw a ball around, go deer hunting and visit Remus’ Wolf reserve, with James’ son Harry, who is… I’m not saying that on national TV.” 

“Spock and Nyota,” Phil continued after a short break where he argued with the producers about weather or not he will say, actual proof I slept with Lilly Evans on camera, “Astronauts from Houston Texas, in there spare time they like to have battles of the minds, and Noyta enjoys learning new languages.” 

“Voldemort and Bellatr Ow!” 

“FILTHY MUGGLES, A DISGRACE TO THE EARTH!!!!” Bellatrix had leapt onto Phil and was currently clobbering him on the head with a stick, actually more of a branch, she found nearby. Security swarmed over them and restrained her. “FILTHY BLOOD, FILTHY BLOOD.” 

“Bella, get off him will you?” Sirius called 

Bellatrix shot him a sharp look “I’ll KILL YOU SIRIUS BLACK! I’LL KILL YOU.” 

Some time later, Phil continued, with a sizable lump on the side of his head “Severus and Jack, Chemistry professor and Captain in the Navy, this just friends relationship,” Severus rolled his eyes, and Jack captured his lips in a kiss. “ They enjoy…. (*voice drops to a whisper*) I am not saying that they enjoy canoodling on national television either.” They joined the line up beside the still restrained Bellatix, Jack shooting her a wink as they did. 

“Ymir and Historia.” Phil continued after he won yet another argument with the producer. “Charity worker and tattoo artist from New York City, they enjoy aerial acrobatics and sword fighting.” A small, sweet looking girl and a tough, tattooed one walked out and even though it was obvious not to mess with the tattooed one, Phil could tell he shouldn’t step on the little one’s toes either or risk another attack. She looked like she could break out with the rage of a Titan if she was pissed. 

“Chuck and Becky,” Phil said, relived it was the last team. “Writer and fangirl from Kentucky, in there spare time Chuck likes to pray and Becky likes to stalk Sam…” 

“SAM!!!!!” Becky launched herself at Sam, and the security guards looked confused weather or not they should release Bellatrix and go after Becky, or let Gabriel, whose demeanor had instantly hanged from Sweet to badass in 2.3 seconds, handle it. 

“20 teams, about to embark across a Journey, around the world. Good luck,” Phil raised his hand into the air. 

The teams got into running position. 

“Travel Safe.” 

“Go!” He dropped his hand. 

The teams sprinted for the clue box. 

  
  
After teams have departed*

  
  
Phil: All right, who’s playing a joke. Those people couldn’t be real. 

Producer: *sighs


	3. (Witty Title Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leg one, part one pretty much sums it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For You_are_perfect, for reminding us that we hadn't updated in a long time, and being very nice about it :) 
> 
> (Sorry about that by the way, research papers for college suck, and so does Marching Season) 
> 
> We felt so bad we whipped something together for ya'll :) hopefully we will be able to update more often, now that college classes are finishing up, and Christmas Break is coming.
> 
> Update:
> 
> Next chapter is being betaed now :)
> 
> Also, our tumblrs are Freckledmary-motherofmarco.tumbr.com (TheWistfulPhoenix) and who-lit-toph-on-fire (Respnee). If you have any suggestions, requests, or anything feel free to ask on there. We will do our best ;-)

**Jean Kirschtein:** Currently infirst place    

I sprinted for the clue box, and being more athletic than most of the other teams, reached the red and yellow clue box first. I threw open the metal top and grabbed a clue, holding tight so it wouldn’t be ripped out of my hands by the other teams, who had seemed so nice before. ‘Well, except for that crazy lady.’ I thought as teams pushed and shoved around me, making it impossible for me to get out ‘she can that bald dude with no nose are scary.’  

 I tried to turn around and fight my way out, but the people crowding around me were making it hard to breathe, let alone move. I felt a hand grab the back of my hoodie and I was wrenched from the claws of the other teams, and my back collided solidly with the chest of a man I knew well.   

Turning, I faced Marco and, already breathless, ripped open the clue envelope and read:    

ROADBLOCK:      

Here, along this street, boy scouts lined the road holding American flags as Lance Corporal Chance Phelps was brought home. One member of the team must search threw the thousands of flags planted in the along this road, looking for one of the twenty flags that have the initials, C.P. written on the wooden pole. They then must bring this flag to the U.S. Marine stationed by starting line, to receive their next clue.      

“I’ll do it.” Marco said, before taking off at a dead sprint for the flags.    

 

 **Sirius Black:** Currently in second place   

            “MOVE!” I roared at the teams who were pushing at me to get opt the box, rather than letting me get out of the horde and out of their way. Surprisingly this worked, as a few teams jumped in surprise, and I was able to squeeze threw to get to James.   

            “Blimey mate,” James said, as I ripped the envelope open “Glad it was you and not me, you’ve got scratches on your face.”  

            “Yeah, from my prat of a cousin.” I barked out, and quickly read the clue aloud

            “I’ll do it,” James said, and dashed off in a sort of prance that seemed far too delicate for a race for a million galle… er dollars.    

 

 **John Waston:** Currently in third place    

I ducked under people’s arms to get out of the fray, because let’s face it, I’m short. I dashed up to Sherlock who snatched the envelope out of my hands, and tore it open. He scanned the note briefly, before shoving it back in my hands saying “it’s that one.” and stalked off towards the flags, before I could even catch my breath.     

 

 **River Song** **:** Currently in fourth place    

            I watched my husband’s arms flailing around, one of them holding a clue envelope. He stumbles out of the group, and trips, causing him to go sprawling. This not being a new ordeal, I grabbed the envelope and tore it open, careful not to chip my manicure. It wouldn’t work if it was chipped.  

            I read the clue, and by the time I was done, Mr. Song was standing again, but no telling when he would fall again.  

“You’ve got this one sweetie.” I handed him the envelope and gave him a kiss on his cheek, careful not to get any lipstick on his mouth. He gave me a wide smile, and ran off, looking a bit like a stupid giraffe.  

****

**Christina Renz:** Currently in 5th place.     

 

            I grabbed a clue, and I felt Ymir’s arm slip around my waist, pulling me forward through the crowd, shoving other teams out of the way. One of the people she shoved was a well-dressed man with a umbrella, and he fell to the ground, sputtering in indignation as his partner helped him up. Ymir yanked me past before I could apologize to the man for her behavior, and we cleared the area surrounding the clue box as she tore ours open.  

            When she finished reading the clue aloud, she looked up, about to tell me something when something caught her eye. “Shit,” she said “They already found it.” She pointed to the team of a rather short man, and a rather tall one, who were running down the hill to get into one of the Ford cars that was being advertised this year, the tall one with his jacket flying behind him dramatically. Ymir met my eyes and I took off running towards the flags.    

****

**John and Sherlock:** Currently in first place    

“Can’t you go any faster Jawn?” Sherlock asked, looking out the back window to make sure not teams were following them.  

“No, Sherlock I can’t. There is this thing called a speed limit.” John said, as he took a left turn perhaps a bit faster than he should have. Glancing in the rearview mirror, he demanded “Put your seatbelt on!”  

 Sherlock ignored him and said snottily. “You’re only going sixty nine, the speed limit is seventy. Or have you forgotten this is a race?”  

            John grit his teeth and looked at Sherlock. “The clue said there are only seven seats on the first flight to Paris, we will get there long before the other teams. But we won’t if you’re dead because YOU DIDN’T PUT YOUR BLOODY SEATBELT ON!”  

            Sherlock slid down in his seat, and sulkingly put his seatbelt on. He didn’t like being yelled at, but he had to admit when John did it he was a little turned on.    

 

 **Marco Bodt:** Currently in second place    

            “I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE JEAN!”    

 

 **Meg Masters:** Currently in sixth place    

            “Get out of my way you son of a bitch.” I said, shoving aside the guy who was on the same team as the crazy blonde girl with weird glasses to get to the clue box. I grabbed on and roundhouse kicked the guy who was standing behind me, who was with the other crazy blonde girl who was drooling all over the tall, good looking Sam Winchester. She didn’t even look twice at him when he was on the ground, just worked on keeping her arms around Sam’s torso, making it hard for him to grab a clue.  

            I darted threw the opening my martial arts had caused, and skidded to a stop beside Crowley.  

            “You’re hot when you do that.” He said a most nonchalantly. He grabbed the clue and read it silently to himself, before looking at the flags in disgust. Shoving the clue into my chest, he said “This one is for you.”  

            Scanning it quickly I smiled. Hopefully I would get a chance to beat up on some more people. Giving Crowley’s ass a quick squeeze, I took off for the flags, tripping up another blonde girl on the way.    

 **Dean Winchester:** Currently in seventh place.    

            “HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY HUSBAND” I grabbed the back of Cas’s trench coat and tucked him safey into my chest.  

            “Dean, I assure you I am fine.’ He said  

            I was still glowering at the guy with the pointy ears and weird haircut. Shoving him out of the way, I grabbed a clue out of someone’s hands, not sure who’s. Shoving my way out was harder, because I still had Cas tucked into my coat.  

            “Move, you fugly son of a bitch.” I said to the next person to walk in front of me, not caring who it was.  

            “You watch your tone boy,” Ellen said and slapped me over the head “

            Maybe I cared a little bit “Opps, sorry Ellen.” I called over my shoulder, taking off, following the others before I even had a chance to open my clue. I would open it on the way.    

 

 **Charlie Bradbury:** Currently in eighth place.    

            Jo dived under people’s legs to grab a clue that had fallen to the ground in the frenzy of activity.  When she got up, she was clutching it like it was her sawed off shot gun she made of show and tell when she was six. I was so happy I could kiss her, and did. It was starting to get a little heated when Jo pulled back, and smiled wickedly at me.  

            “There will be time for that later; I can’t let my own mother beat me.” Apparently s had saw Ellen grab a clue. “Do you want to do it or me? She asked after reading the clue aloud. “I’ll go.” I said, trying not to think of how many different injuries I could get if I fell on these rocks. I turned to brave them and felt a sharp slap on my butt. I jumped when I heard Jo whisper in my ear “’Go get ‘em.” as she said with a kiss to the back of my neck. Oh yeah, I would be coming back as soon as possible.    

 

 **Rory Pond:** Currently in 9th place    

 

I stumbled and knocked over the clue box.  

“Oh come on, ‘urry up.” I hear the angry Scottish voice that I had learned to just say okay to, say behind me. Because the clues were so much more accessible now that they were on the ground, I saw everyone dive for them, except for the girl who as still holding onto the really tall man’s arms, the man himself, and who I could only assume was his boyfriend, who was sucking on a lollipop, attempting to pry her arms off him, as well as one other coupel who seemed to wrapped up in themselves to notice.  

I quickly scooped up clue and tossed it to Amy, who caught it swiftly and efficiently, opening it as easily as if it was the attest issue of one of the many magazines I could no longer keep track of. She the jogged down the hill, her long legs carrying her just as fast as the other girls who were running flat out. I was able to enjoy the view as she moved away, up until it was obscured by a horde of people running down the hill, having al gotten there clues at the same time since I knocked the box over.  

“Good Job Rory.” I thought sarcastically  

****

**Meg Masters:** Currently in sixth place    

            “Shit.” I said when I looked up to see a small posse of people running directly at me and the flags. I was about to take a defensive stance when I saw a flag with C.Pwritten on it. I was about to grab it when a freckled asshat grabbed it first.  

            “Hey, that’s mine!” I yelled at his retreating, rather fine, back; but the wind was blowing in the wrong direction for him to hear me. I grumbled as the other teams join the hunt and started looking for more flags with Paris written on them. There had to be a thousand flags here.    

 

 **Marco Bodt:** Currently in Second Place    

            “Jean I have it.” I bellowed as loud as I could up to him. He grabbed our packs and threw them both over his shoulder, and by the time I got to him he was sprinting and keeping pace with me.  

            “Where are we going?” he asked when we got to the car, after visiting the Marine, both of us barley out of breathe because of our physical condition.

            “Paris, but first to the airport.” I said “Seven teams on the first flight.”

             Jean raised his eyebrows as he jumped into the driver’s seat “Peut-être pour une fois, l'insistance de ma mère pour me apprendre français sera utile. Merci maman. Allons-y!” he said.

            “I have no idea what you are saying. “ I said

            “But the French will.” He said triumphantly. “Team Jeanmarco one, other teams, zero.” He leaned over for a kiss before taking the car out of park, to which I obliged.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, we live for your comments, so please let us know what you think. Feel free to give suggestions, (if you watch the show, please tell us if there are any specific roadblocks you would like to see them do) 
> 
> We love you all so much, thank you for reading


	4. Just Gab being Possessive over Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, we are sorry that these first few are a little slow, but they need to be done. Soon though, we should get to the challenges :D 
> 
> Our Tumblr urls are freckledmary-motherofmarco.tumblr.com (TheWistfulPhoenix) and who-lit-toph-on-fire.tumblr.com (respnee). If you want to request anything or suggest something, or just ask us anything, find us there ;)
> 
> Enough talking, read (though since most of you probably skipped the author's note anyway, I'm wasting my metaphorical breathe)

**John and Sherlock:** Currently in first place (#ASRtshortandtall)

 

            “Yes, what is the earliest flight to Paris we can get?” John asked the nice lady behind the desk at the airport. They were the first team to arrive and were guarantied a seat on the first flight. When they pulled up to the airport, they saw a section of parking spaces painted in the Amazing Race’s colors, which designated spots for their cars. John had barely parked before Sherlock had jumped out of the car, having unlatched his seatbelt shortly after buckling it, and stalked towards the entrance, calling something over his shoulder to John, about not allowing Mycroft and Greg to catch up. Well, Sherlock called him Gavin, but John knew whom he was talking about.

 

            “Earliest flight to Paris departs at 6 pm and arrives at 5:45 am. “ The shorthaired attendant said, glancing up from her computer to look at John, who was doing the whole transaction while Sherlock sat in the chair beside him quietly. John was slightly suspicious of what Sherlock was thinking of, because usually when Sherlock was quiet it meant he was deducting, or there were ground up eyeballs in  the unaware John’s soup, for the sake of an experiment.

 

            “Okay and that is the absolute earliest flight?” John asked, turning his thoughts back to the race. Soon other teams would be arriving and he wanted to make sure they got the right tickets for the right flight.

 

            “Yes.” She replied. “The only other one departs at 9pm and arrives at 9am.”

 

            “Alright, two tickets for the early flight please.” John said pulling out the money they were given for the first leg of the race. John had insisted he hold it, because knowing Sherlock it would end up being used for buying human body parts from back street dealers in foreign countries. At first Sherlock had sulked, and when John insisted that Sherlock knew he was right, he sulked even more, but only after insisting he would have used it on something else. John had been too afraid to ask what.

 

            The attendant began processing their information, but kept glancing at Sherlock uncomfortably. Sherlock was staring at her as he would a particularly difficult piece of a case, his hands in front of him, fingertips touching.

 

            ‘The ring,’ Sherlock thought he was staring at her and learning everything about her, including everything that ring told him.

 

            “Here you go.” she said, sounding slightly relieved that the man who had been staring at her the whole time was about to leave.

 

            “Thank you,” John glanced at her nametag as he grab the tickets and stood up. “Mary.”

 

            “He loves you, you know.” Sherlock said to the attendant, not moving from is position in the chair.

 

            “Excuse me?” She said, looking surprised and slightly confused.  John was just as confused, thinking Sherlock meant him. Sherlock had to know he loved him, right?

 

            “Your fiancée.” Sherlock clarified, after giving John a look that told him Sherlock knew exactly what he had thought. “He does actually love you, and you are making the right choice in marrying him.”  Sherlock gets up and starts to move to the door as if he had only told Mary the time or if it was raining.

 

            “How…” the women trailed off. Now she was the one staring at Sherlock.

 

            “The ring on your hand is not missing any stones, nor is it scratched in anyway. It is obviously new. All wedding bands tarnish even after only a short time of being used, but.” He stalked over and grabbed her hand. “Your wedding band is not very tarnished on the inside. There is enough there for me to know that you aren’t cheating on him, but only enough to tell me that you twist it when you are nervous. You have obviously been debating weather or not you are making the right decision. You are. “ And he stalked out the door

 

            The lady looked relived, if a little flustered, and John gave her a quick smile as he followed Sherlock.

 

            When they got outside the door, Sherlock leaned over and whispered in John’s ear. “Of course, I know you love me. I hope you know that I love you too.”

 

            John’s ears turned pink with joy and he gave his fiancée and peck on the cheek before trying to look for a bench to sit on before their flight. “Damn, why did I have to be so short” he thought as Sherlock pointed over the head of the rest of the crowd.

 

**Jean and Marco:** Currently in second place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            “I know where I’m going Marco.” Jean gripes, saying it for about the tenth time. He gripped the wheel and dodged a pot hole the size of Mars in the middle of the road.

 

            “Jean, you should have taken a left instead of a right first, and entered the highway, instead you went straight and used the turnabout to turn around, and now we are driving through chickens.” Marco said dejectedly, from the back seat, having given up on trying to tell Jean where to go “I didn’t even know there were chickens in this town.”

 

**Ymir and Christa:**  Currently in third place (#ASRtatsandangels)

 

            “I can’t believe you found it that fast Ymir.” Christa gushed proudly.  She was sitting behind Ymir in the silver Ford car they had picked up after getting their clue, reading a map for Ymir, telling her which way to turn. “Turn right here

 

            “It wasn’t hard, the worst part was that dumb-nut with the stupid hat falling on me.”  She said, turning left sharply, without a blinker while cutting off another car. She thought she saw another one of the teams in the car that matched theirs, though she couldn’t be sure. It looked like the volcano Divers

 

            “Which one?” Christa asked, looking at her map.

 

            “The one who fell down the hill, ran into a fence, and knocked a bunch of the flags over. She clarified  “Which way now?” She asked as they came to a intersection.

 

            “You need to turn around, I said right.” Christa said sweetly Ymir looked annoyed with herself, and did a illegal u-turn.

 

            “What do you mean?” she asked when she was on the right road “I was on this road the whole time.”

 

            Christa smiled and looked down at the map in her lap to give Ymir the next direction.

 

**Mickey and Martha:** Currently in fourth place.  (#ASRProfessionalbadasses)

 

            “Mickey,” Martha said leaning over the center console from the back seat so she could point “If you pass that car,” she pointed to the white car in front of them, “and that one,” she pointed to a identical car, except red, about a quarter of a mile ahead on the freeway, I think we will get there before most of the other teams.”

 

            “Alright.” Mickey said, shifting gears. “Hang on.” Martha quickly buckled herself in as Mickey hit the gas, flying down the freeway, and dodging around the white Amazing Race car.

 

**Crowley and Meg:**  Currently in Fourth place (#ASRHellno)

 

“Bullocks.” Crowley said as the blue Ford car, containing the two British lunatics who get kick out of jumping into active volcanoes swerved around them and continued barreling down the highway.  He would be accepted into heaven before he allowed anyone to beat them. “Megan,” he said sweetly “if you don’t step on it I’m going TO HAVE YOUR SKIN MADE INTO SHOES.” He bellowed

 

Meg grit her teeth and spat put “CALM YOUR TITS CROWLEY!” Meg reached down and shifted gears. Accelerating quickly, she was aiming for the back bumper of one particular blue car.

**Mickey and Martha:** Currently in third place (#ASRProfessionalbadasses)

 

            “Shit, hold on Babe.” Mickey yelled as he swerved into another lane, narrowly being missed by the same white car they had passed about a mile back. The car slammed on its brakes, trying to get in position again to try to ram them. Mickey and Martha inevitably passed them, and Martha whirled around to see who it was.

 

“It’s the bounty hunter and the short guy!” she told Mickey, turning quickly to look back out the front window. “MICKEY THERE!” she shouted, pointing at the fast approaching airport exit. Martha was thrown back against her seat when Mickey zoomed across lanes of traffic to go barreling down the exit, just making it in. Glancing in the rearview mirror, he saw the white car fly past the exit, and saw the dark haired women driving screaming, obviously upset. Weather it was because she missed the exit or that she didn’t succeed in killing them, Mickey wasn’t sure.

 

**Neville and Luna:** Currently in second place (#ASRsmokingherbsandseeingnargles)

 

            “Look Nev, a plant nursery.” Luna said, sweetly pointing out the window. Neville pulled over and into the parking lot as a blue car passed them.

 

**James and Sirius:**  Currently in fifth place (#ASRnotacouple)

 

            “Padfoot, look mate, your favorite place.” Sirius looked out the window and saw a dog park.

 

            “Oh deer Prongs.” He said, “Sadly I can’t stop, we are in a race.  “

 

            “I’m sure we can spare a few minutes for you to get out and run around like a rabid animal.” James joked

 

            “ But Deer,” Sirius said sickly sweetly “ The race!”

 

            “Wow, you’re really like a dog with a bone on this one aren’t you. “ James continued. He sat there for a minute thinking as Sirius, using his expert sense of direction and tracking skills, followed the road to the airport without needing his help. “You know,” he said “you calling me a deer is probably why people think we are gay for each other.”

 

**Sam and Gabriel:** Currently in sixth place (#ASRsweetandsour)

 

“Sam. Sam. SAM!”

 

“What Gab!” Sam snapped. He tried to be angry at his fiancée, who had been asking constant questions since they got in the car, and he was having trouble navigating while being pestered by Gabriel. But when he looked in the mirror and saw Gab looking rather put out in the back seat, he felt guilt flood through him, and he mumbled “I’m sorry, I’m just having trouble navigating when you’re talking.” He explained to the pouting man “What is it?” he said as nicely as possible.”

 

            “You missed the fudging exit.” Gab said, a twinkle of mirth back in his eyes.

 

“Shit,” Sam said, and put his blinker on to turn around.

 

**Jean and Marco:** Currently in seventh place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            “Fine.” Jean said, resigned. He pulled over and unbuckled. “You drive.” He kicked a piece of a tire that was coated in dust from the road. It had obviously been there a long time.

 

            From the back seat, Marco smiled and unbuckled his seatbelt. Even though he knew Jean didn’t like giving up, he always felt a little smug when Jean finally gave in. Jean was still pouting when Marco opened his door, so Marco decided he might need a little cheering up…

 

**Mickey and Martha:** Currently in Second place (#ASRProfessionalbadasses)

 

            “Over there.” Martha said, pointing to the one other team waiting in the terminal. She and her husband walked over to the tall man and the short one sitting in the purple, plastic chairs of the airport terminal.

 

            “Hi,” Mickey said sticking his hand out to the closer man to shake. The man with curly brown hair slowly shifted his eyes to Mickey and, without moving his hands from his chin, turned back to looking at the man across the room with a ball cap and sunglasses, who was seemed far to underdressed to be holding a briefcase. Mickey, looking confused, slowly started to retract his hand when the shorter man grabbed it and shook it firmly. “John Watson.” He said, introducing himself “And that is Sherlock. Sorry bout him being a _bit rude.”_ He emphasized giving the Sherlock a pointed look.

 

            “Bomb.”  Was all Sherlock said, pointing to the man with the briefcase

 

 

**Ymir and Christa:**  Currently in third place (#ASRtatsandangels)

 

            “Two tickets to the earliest flight to Paris please.” Christa said sweetly, smiling at the same attendant that had helped Sherlock and John, as well as Mickey and Martha.

 

**Voldemort and Bellatrix:**  Currently in eighth place (#ASRnonosecrazyhair)

 

            “ _Drive faster Bella.”_ Voldemort hissed, stroking Nagini’s head as she curled up beside him, utterly oblivious to Bellatrix terrible first attempt at driving.

 

            “OUT OF MY WAY FILTHY MUGGLES!” Bellatrix yelled, clipping the back of a SUV, causing it to spin out of control and form a six car pileup behind her as she continued flying down the highway without looking back.

 

**James and Sirius** : Currently in fourth place (#ASRnotacouple)

 

“Hello there pretty lady.” Sirius flirted at the attendant at the next table over from there James was buying their tickets to France.  He looked her up and down approvingly, pausing on certain aspects of her. When he met her eyes again, she was gritting her teeth and glaring at him.

 

            “How dare you!” she exploded, slamming her hands on the counter that Sirius was now glad separated them “Flirting with another person when you husband,” she pointed at James, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights when the angry women turned her finger to him, “is right there.”

 

James flushed red and Sirius sputtered “We… we aren’t.” he tried to say

 

“ FRANCE IS A HONEYMOON DESINATION FOR GOODNESS SAKE!” the women yelled, shaking her finger in Sirius’s direction “you should be ashamed of your self, not even wearing your wedding ring.” She pointed to James’s left hand where his shiny golden wedding band was. She turned to James, who was still staring at her in shock, unable to even deny the claims “You can do better sweetheart, go find yourself a nice, **_trustworthy,_** man.” She stressed, and gave Sirius a pointed glare as she swished around, her hair flicking Sirius in the nose as she stalked into the back room.

 

Sirius stared after her for a minute, still processing what had just happened. He threw himself into the chair beside James and crossed his arms in a huff. “Why didn’t you say anything mate?” he growled at James. 

 

“Did you see her?” he asked, unabashed but still slightly terrified “I was to petrified to move. She reminded me of Lily the first time she came home to find that you and I had Harry on a broomstick. Then we actually _were_ petrified.”

 

“He was eight months old, that is plenty to start training to be the best Quidditch player the world has ever seen.” He slouched lower in his chair, brooding.

 

**John and Sherlock:** Currently in first place (#ASRshortandtall)

 

            What?” Mickey asked looking at the taller man.

 

            “Oh, isn’t it obvious. That man has a bomb in his briefcase.” Sherlock said, “By my calculations, it is set to go off at any second.” Sherlock hissed, grabbing John and shoved him to the ground roughly, causing passersby to give them curious looks.

 

            “Who has a bomb?” the girl with tattoos and her angel of a ‘wife?’ Sherlock thought ‘No, girlfriend.’ asked, when they, as well as those animals of a team, both arrived at arrived at the same time.

 

            “Not so loud,” Sherlock hissed, getting on the floor beside John, trying to protect him even though John was trying to say something about getting the people out, but it was muffled by the floor ”Not enough time.” He said to John.” Him.” he pointed to the man across the room.

 

            Before the other teams even had time to blink, Mickey and Martha were catapulting themselves over the luggage, chairs, and occupants of said chairs, sprinting for the man like a life or death version of Parkour.

 

**Sam and Gabriel:** Currently in fifth place (#ASRsweetandsour)

 

            “What the fudge is going on over there?” Gabriel asked, looking at the commotion across the room from the airport store they were in as another Amazing Race team tackled a man to the ground.

 

            “No idea.” Sam said, giving the scene a curious look forgetting about the magazine he was holding to and almost walking away with it, trying to get a better look.

 

            Gabriel snatched the copy of National Geographic from Sam before the security guards who were more concerned about whether or not Sam was trying to take a five dollar magazine then the assault happening across the room, decided that he had officially crossed the unofficial line from in the store to out of the store and therefore stealing.  Adding his 2 chocolate bars, 4 cherry suckers, two orange sodas, and Sam’s weakness, a York peppermint patty to the pile, he pulled out his wallet. When the young man behind the cash register had scanned all the candy, he handed him his credit card, and turned back to Sam, holding his receipt and a plastic bag.

 

            “Let’s go see what they are doing,” He said, grabbing Sam’s hand. They walked toward the commotion, which was drawing a slight crowd, where the man (‘Mickey?’) was holding the man in the ball cap on the ground, while his partner, Gab thinks her name is Martha, was doing something in the man’s briefcase.

 

            “Aw skittles.” Gabriel said as they got closer “She’s defusing a bomb!”

 

            “Defused.” She corrected looking up

 

            “You my dear,” Gabriel said, impressed “are one bad everlasting gobstoper mother fudger.”

 

**John and River Song:** Currently in sixth place (#ASRSingsongthedoctortripped) 

 

            “Oh, oh sorry, terribly sorry.”

 

            “Mr. Song,” River reprimanded teasingly “Stop running into people. People will think you’ve gone mad.” She shoved her clumsy husband into the room to buy tickets.

 

            ‘CRASH. BANG. SPLAT.’ River touched up her lipstick, using her refection in the window as a reference. Ah, she loved her husband but he was just so clumsy.

 

            ******

 

When they came out, they saw two teams wading through the crowds. For the fun of it, River raised her voice so she could be heard “Only one team left on the first flight sweeties.” She quickly moved aside, pulling her husband by the hand to get him out of the line of fire as two men and a woman shot passed her, and a shorted man followed elegantly not having changed his walking pace in the least.

 

 

**Jean and Marco:** Currently tied for 7th place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            When Jean and Marco finally found the airport, they had pulled up right beside another team, and they both quickly jogged into the airport, followed closely by the girl from the other team. The man lagged behind, walking.

 

            When they got inside, they heard the woman, who Jean swore up and down was a psychopath, say “Only one team left on the first flight sweeties.” And they both took off sprinting.

 

‘Again,’ Jean thought ‘It is a good thing we’re in such good physical condition.’ He knew exactly how good of physical condition Marco was in after their little adventure in the car. Jean was only slightly embarrassed that the camera crew was around, but they had quickly moved back into their car, and left the one Marco and Jean were, breaking in, alone. He looked at Marcos back as he pulled ahead of him, mentally picturing every muscle he knew was there, and the little freckle on his ‘GAH!’

He was hit from behind by the bitch from the other team, trying to shove him out of her way to get to the desk first ‘Aw hell no,’ Jan though, and shoved her back behind him.

 

**Crowley and Meg:** Currently tied for 7th place (#ASRhellno)

 

            “Come on Crowley!” Meg yelled grappling with the guy with the funny hair. She glanced over her shoulder to see that he was walking “Will you hurry the fuck up?” she yelled, throwing the guy into the side of the large blue trashcan. Grabbing the freckled asshat’s T-shirt, she tried to pull him to the ground to, but was grabbed from behind by the guy with the hair. He shoved her backwards, and they took off running for the desk. Meg growled and sprinted after them, trying to drag Crowley by his cane.

 

**Jean and Marco:** Currently in 7 th place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            “Same flight as they,” Marco pointed to the lady with the fantastic blonde hair and her husband wearing the Stetson “got. As quickly as possibly please” Marco pleaded, trying to catch his breath. Jena was rubbing his Jaw where a bruise was starting to form. Trashcans are harder than the look.

 

            The attendant had just entered their information when Meg and Crowley burst into the room, Meg looking possessed “Crowley, this is all your fault.” She looked about ready to tear Jean’s two toned hair out, so they quickly left and joined the other teams outside.

 

            “Anything interesting happen while you were waiting for us?”  Jean asked cockily

 

            “Not really,” Mickey said, curiously throwing a briefcase in the trash “Just Gabriel being very possessive over his candy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As anyone who watches the show knows, each team gets a hashtag. We will be tracking these on Tumblr :) (Our personal favorite is Neville's and Luna's, what is your's?)


	5. "Bitch I speak French"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets on their flight and we are starting to finally get some race action. After this we will start to get to the good stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Paris chapter happened to coincide with the tragedy that happened there. These Paris chapters are dedicated to the victims. God speed.

**Crowley and Meg:**  Currently in 8 th place, second flight (#ASRhellno)

 

            “Damnit Crowley.” Meg growled, spinning to face her partner practically spitting fire. Practically. Meg was not one of, er, _their kind,_ that could actually spit fire. “You let that freckled asshat and the buffoon with multicolored hair in front of us!  Now we’re on the second, sorry, _**last,**_ flight.”

 

She threw the papers she was holding, which included their tickets and their clue, in Crowley’s face.  Instinctively Crowley closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they had change; from the brown they were to a brilliant deep red, anger flashing through them.

 

“Megan.” He said calmly, causing Meg’s blood to run cold. She was one of the few demons who could speak out against Crowley, and speak freely to him, but he was still her superior. When he was yelling, she was safe. But if his voice dropped to almost a whisper, she knew that she had better tread carefully.  She had already had her last meatsuit tortured; by the time he was done she looked like the leftover carcass of an animal sent for slaughter. She had had to smoke out and find this new one. She had grown attached to this new meatsuit, the girl inside barely made any noise, and often Meg forgot she was occupying a living suit.

 

Megan,” Crowley repeated “Never. Throw anything. At me again.” Crowley may love Megan in his own distant way, but they were not a usual couple.  Mostly they kept it strictly business. Mostly.

 

**Mycroft and Lestrange:** Currently in 9th place, second flight (#ASRcheatingonmewithcake)

 

            “Bloody ball sacks.” Lestrange throws his arms in the air. “You would think with all your dedication to your ‘important appointments with important people’ you would have a little more sense to be ON TIME!”

           

            Mycroft just strolled past his partner and in threw the gate, “But dear I have secretaries and drivers who keep track of all that rubbish for me.”

 

            “Bullshit” Lestrange spat “You know all your appointments and are never late for one, except of course dinner, WITHOUT EVEN WRITING IT DOWN!” He bellowed

 

            Mycroft covered his ear to protect it from the sound and discreetly looked around at the gawkers. “Don’t blame your terrible sense of direction on me.” he hissed

 

            Lestrange threw his hands into the air again and stalked off to the charging station, WITHOUT his partner.

 

**Dean and Castiel:** Currently in10th place, second flight (#ASRpieswithshotguns)

 

            “Dean we have to stop.” Cas said as they passed a young woman dressed in white on the side of the road, obviously trying to catch a ride. “it has to be 105 degrees out here. We can’t just leave her here. She could get heat stroke.” Cas stressed.

 

            “Cas do you remember what happened last time we picked up a hitchhiker?” he asked when Cas pulled over. He looked in the rearview mirror. “For the love of Chuck she is even wearing white.” Dean said.

            Cas popped his door open and got out. “I’m sure she is perfectly safe to take somewhere.” He said “maybe she can even tell us the fastest way to the airport.”

 

**Remus and Tonks:** Currently in 12 th place (#ASRDontcallmeNymphawolf)

 

            “Hopefully we don’t end up to far north.” Tonks said without looking up from the map “I hear that sometimes the Sun is up for almost the whole day. Opposite of that is the moon up almost the whole day.”

 

            Remus groaned and rubbed his eyes, taking one hand off the steering wheel to do so.

            “WOCHER REMUS!” she yelled from the back seat.

 

Remus jerkily yanked the car back into his lane, just in time for the truck that was in his blind spot to zoom past, blaring it’s horn.

 

Remus put his hand over his wife’s hand, which had landed on his shoulder once the truck had flown by. “Thanks Dora.” He said, shocked. Maybe this driving on the other side of the road thing was harder than he expected. Why couldn’t they just do it like normal people and drive on the left?

 

**Luna and Neville** : Currently in 11th place, second flight (#ASRsmokingherbsandseeingnargales)

 

            “I’m sorry sir but you can’t take a cactus on a plane.” The baggage check lady said in a monotone. “and we cannot transport it here. No plant or animal matter can cross borders for environmental safety reasons.”

 

            “But this Cactus is a Cactaceae!” Neville protested, hoping this would make her let it pass.

 

            The baggage lady gave him a glare. “I took Latin in high school.” She said, annoyed “You literally just said this cactus is a cactus. Now step aside and dispose of the plant.” She grabbed his bags and threw them on the conveyor belt  behind her, non to gently.

 

            “But…” Neville started to protest, until his and Luna’s carry-on bags caught his eye. ‘Well,’ he thought ‘Cacti aren’t metal so it won’t set off the detector…’

                       

**Bellatrix and Voldemort:** Currently in 13 th place (#ASRnonosecrazyhair)

 

            People darted out of the way as they stalked through the airport ‘As the filthy animals should’ Bellatrix thought.

 

            “Um, sir” the ticket muggle said “You can’t take the snake on the plane with you.”

 

            The man turned his eyes on her and she gulped.  “Perhaps we can make an exception.” She squeaked out and quickly lowered her eyes. “Where to?”  Her voice trembled

 

            “Paris Muggle, and be quick about it.” The nasty looking woman said.

 

            The ticket agent wondered what a Muggle was, but was too terrified to ask.

**Amy and Rory:** Currently in 14th place (#ASRsexykissagramnurse)

 

            “Umm, Amy?” Rory stuttered after Amy flew into the marked parking space “You know that Americans drive on the other side of the road right?” he asked tentatively.

 

            The fiery red head snapped her head around and fixed Rory with a glare. “I’m…aware.” She said and flung the car door open to get out. Rory sat there for a few more moments to catch his breath and make sure he was still alive.

 

            “RORY!” she snapped “GET OUT OF THE CAR!”

 

            “Yes dear” he said and popped the door open.

 

            Seven identical cars save for the color come barreling down the exit ramp of the freeway. A little yellow a red window tag was in the bottom right corner for each windshield. All the cars wipe into the airport parking lot, surprisingly not followed by a small horde of police cars.

 

            Six teams leaped out of their cars and sprinted for the airport entrance, followed not so closely by John Smith and Rose, who were walking very slowly, holding hands and smiling at each other all the way.

 

**Mycroft and Lestrange** , 9th place, Second flight (#ASRcheatingonmewithcake)

 

Once all the teams were on a flight, Mycroft took stock of where everyone was

His brother and John were on the first flight as were:

 

Both freckled couples, Jean and Marco and he thinks the other’s name was something Norse like? Ymir and Historia?

 

The two agents of an organization he cannot disclose the name of, Mickey and Martha

 

Sam and Gabriel, the tall one and the overly obsessed with candy one.

 

The curly haired blonde and her overly clumsy partner, Mr and Mrs. Song

                        And the obviously homosexual couple who insisted they weren’t.

           

            Mycroft would rather be shot then let his little brother beat him at anything. He walked up to the agent manning the gate they were supposed to board through and quietly asked “Is there a waiting list we could get on for anyone who cancels their 6pm Paris flight?”

 

            The gate agent smiled “We actually just had a cancelation, three seats right together. Would you like those?”

 

            Mycroft smiled smugly “Two please” he said knowing full well no other team could take that third spot unless another opened up. He would just have to be discreet about it.”

           

**John and Sherlock:** Currently in first place (#ASRshortandtall

 

            “6 o'clock flight to Paris, now boarding” a man’s voice came over the loudspeaker.

            “This is our flight Sherlock” John said getting up and grabbing his backpack. Sherlock did the same

           

Once they had boarded and stored their backpacks overhead, they sat down and started watching other teams board. John did a quick head count and turned puzzled to Sherlock.

“Sherlock,” he said “didn’t the clue say that only 7 teams were on the first flight?”

 

“Yes it did” Sherlock stated as he watched the people around him, his hands placed under his chin.

 

“Well there are 8 teams on board” John said, counting again.

 

Sherlock quickly scanned the plane “My brother and Gavin didn’t get here in time to get tickets for this flight, what are they doing here.”

 

Mycroft was just close enough to hear his comment, and, smiling settled into a seat right in front of his baby brother, stretching his shorted legs out over the spare seat. “Why yes Sherlock, you’re right.” He said lazily

 

“How?” was all Sherlock asked

 

Mycroft tisked. As if he was going to tell Sherlock.  

           

“Thank you for flying with us, please enjoy your trip.” The pilot said as they touched down in the Paris airport. The minute the plane’s door opened the teams sprinted out

 

            “Come John!” Sherlock yelled, his long legs carrying him further and further ahead of his partner, “We only have three hours until the next plane lands.”

 

            Each team saw the clue box at the same time, but Sherlock made it there first.

He ripped open the yellow envelope as when John got to him, the sound of ripping paper echoed behind him by other teams.

 

Route info:

“During this leg of the race,

Teams will proceed by taxi to the

Catacombes de Paris,

Where they will receive their next clue”

 

“Come John, Sherlock said, quickly following Mickey  and Martha to the taxi stand.”

 

**Jean and Marco:** Currently in third place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            Jean shot his hand into the air “Taxi!” he called

 

            A black car with a taxi sign on top pulled up in front of him and the driver side window rolling down to speak to Jean.

 

            “Où allez-vous monsieur?”

 

            “Nous devons obtenir des catacombes de Paris le plus rapidement possible, gros pourboire si nous avons battu toutes ces autres personnes. ”

 

            Marco had already put their bags in the back so Jean slide into the back seat beside him.

 

            “Allons-y” He told the driver, and they were off.

 

**Mickey and Martha:** Currently in first (second) place (#ASRprofessionalbadasses)

 

            “Damn it.” Mickey said when he saw another taxi slip by them in the other lane. “How do you say faster in French?” he asked Martha, and she shrugged.

 

**Jean and Marco:** currently in actual first place (#ASRtwotonedfreckles)

 

            When they reached the catacombs a few minutes later, they ran to the outside of the tunnel’s entrance and saw a sign for them. “Catacombes de Paris, ouvrir 10am-8pm”

 

            Jean cursed in French, he seemed to have gone native “it doesn’t open until ten.” He saw a signup sheet with the race colors and quickly signed their names in for one of the two ten am slots. “Now we wait I guess.”

 

            “All the teams will be here by ten.” Marco said, settling down on the ground outside the gate.”

 

            “I know” Jean said watching Mickey and Martha get out of their taxi.”

**Author's Note:**

> It is 4a.m. -Note: respnee is no longer an author of this fic, I just can't figure out how to take her off. TheEruditeGrammacist will now be taking over as coauthor.


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